iHave To Say Goodbye
by pancake2
Summary: "I've been dealt a bad card in this crazy game of life, and I just can't take it anymore.  I'm leaving Seattle."  Seddie songfic to Goodbye by Avril Lavigne


**iHave To Say Goodbye**

**A/N: So this is a songfic to Avril Lavigne's new-ish song, Goodbye. I definitely have to say, this song is very different from all of her others that I have heard. I guess this kinda shows the softer side of Avril.**

**This is gonna be kinda depressing, but I think it'll turn out pretty well :) **

**Also, this is the first songfic I've ever done… So I hope it won't be terrible XD**

**I think this takes place sometime during their college years, as that would make most sense.**

**Disclaimer: Yes. I am **_**both**_** Dan Schneider **_**and**_ **Avril Lavigne. 'Cause you know, that's possible XD Yeah, and since it's not, I don't own iCarly or Goodbye.**

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><p><strong>(Sam's POV)<strong>

_Goodbye__  
><em>_Goodbye__  
><em>_Goodbye, my love_

This is it. The moment of truth. I know I have to do it, and I'm going to. I'm saying goodbye to Freddie.

It's not like I want to. I'm still madly in love with him.

_I can't hide__  
><em>_Can't hide__  
><em>_Can't hide what has come__  
><em>_I have to go, I have to go, I have to go__  
><em>_And leave you alone_

Life has crazy twists and turns. They can't be controlled. Sometimes it takes you just where you want to go. Other times, it can tear you apart from the very things you want and need the most.

I can't hide all this anymore. I've been dealt a bad card in this crazy game of life, and I just can't take it anymore.

I'm leaving Seattle. I don't know where I'll go just yet. It doesn't matter. Life will take me where it wants me to go.

"Freddie," I say, meeting him on a bench in the middle of the near-empty park.

"Yeah?" he asks, seeming taken aback by my worried tone and the fact that I have used his actual name.

I use all efforts to hold back tears as I say, "I have to go."

He looks at me, not understanding what I have just said. He asks me, "What do you mean, 'go'?"

"Away. From Seattle. I can't stay here anymore," I say, tears now obvious in my eyes, but still not escaping.

Freddie stares at me worriedly. He is clearly left speechless.

_But always know, always know, always know__  
><em>_That I love you so__  
><em>_I love you so__  
><em>_I love you so__  
><em>_Oh_

After a seemingly lifelong moment of silence, he says one word, his voice sounding very far away.

"Why?"

"I- I can't explain this, Freddie. It's just… Life is crazy."

He continues to stare wordlessly at me.

"It's not that I want to," I say, a single tear nearly escaping my eye.

He opens his mouth to say something, but can't seem to think of anything, and closes it.

"It doesn't mean I don't love you."

He looks at me again, and for the first time ever, I can't read his emotion.

"Freddie, always know that I love you," I whisper. I then delicately touch my lips to his, probably for one of the last few times.

_Goodbye, brown eyes__  
><em>_Goodbye for now__  
><em>_Goodbye, sunshine__  
><em>_Take care of yourself_

I pull back and stare deeply into his chocolate brown eyes. He looks back into my crystal blue ones.

"Goodbye, Freddie," I whisper, the words trying desperately not to leave my lips.

He was the one guy that could always brighten my day, no matter how down I was. As sappy as it sounds, he was my sunshine. And now I'm saying goodbye. This can't possibly be real.

_I have to go, I have to go, I have to go__  
><em>_And leave you alone__  
><em>_But always know, always know, always know__  
><em>_That I love you so, I love you so, oh__  
><em>_I love you so__  
><em>_Oh_

I now stand on the train station platform, only three days later. Freddie has come to see me off, knowing we may never see each other ever again after this.

The conductor announces that it is time to start boarding the train. I only have ten minutes before I leave my city, my boyfriend, and everyone and everything else that I have come to know and love.

Freddie hugs me tightly, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I love you, Freddie," I whisper, hugging him back equally as tightly.

"I love you, too, Sam," he tells me, his voice so quiet that I am the only one who can hear him.

After a few minutes, we pull out of the hug. He wipes the tears from his eyes, only to have them replaced by more.

When the conductor announces that it is the last call for passengers to board, I pick up my bag.

Freddie and I look into each other's eyes for the last time.

I am nearly crying as I say, "Goodbye, Freddie."

"Goodbye, Sam." And with that, we share one final kiss, and I leave without another word for the train.

_La lullaby. Distract me with your eyes.__  
><em>_La lullaby. La lullaby. __Help me sleep tonight.__  
><em>_La lullaby (la lullaby, la lullaby)__  
><em>_I have to go__  
>(Goodbye)<em>_  
><em>_I have to go  
>(Lullaby)<em>_  
><em>_I have to go  
>(Goodbye)<em>_  
><em>_And leave you alone_

I sit in my seat on the train, looking out the window at Freddie. He looks back at me. It only makes me sadder.

I turn away and pull my PearPod out of my bag. I put the headphones on and select a quiet and slow song from the list.

As the song plays, it begins to lull me to sleep, making me think less about all that is going on.

_But always know,  
>(Goodbye)<br>Always know,  
>(Lullabies)<br>Always know,__  
>(Goodbye)<em>_  
><em>_That I love you so__  
><em>_I love you so__  
><em>_(Goodbye)__  
><em>_(Lullaby)__  
><em>_I love you so__  
><em>_(Goodbye)__  
><em>_Oh__  
><em>_I love you so__  
><em>_(Goodbye)__  
><em>_(La la's)__  
><em>_I love you so__  
><em>_(Goodbye)__  
><em>_I love you so__  
><em>_I love you so_

As I feel the train begin to pull away, I look back out the window at Freddie. He is still watching me. I mouth three little words with so much meaning.

"I love you."

Only now that the train station has completely disappeared from view do I let a single tear roll down my cheek.

Even though I know he can't hear me, I whisper, "Goodbye, Freddie."

_Goodbye, brown eyes__  
><em>_Goodbye my love_

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><p><strong>AN: Now, how depressing was that? XD**

**I'm actually really pleased with how this turned out. And what's **_**really **_**great? It only took a few hours to write :) **

**If you've read any of my other stuff, you'll notice that this really isn't my normal style of writing. But I kind of like how this came out. It just feels sort of… dramatic…? For lack of a better word XD**

**Please review and tell me what you thought :)**


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